who just matured?

what is your style?

do you have a life that i could enjoy observing?

enjoy being a part of?

i don't need to know all the details. i don't care what you do alone in the bathroom. i don't need to know your fantasies. i simply want to observe your conduct. i want to benefit from the style of your interaction. maybe we can share some moments or something. it can be as casual as it needs to be. twenty-three times a month. twice a year. i don't care. let's just have something legitimate.

i want to be able to talk. span the universe of concepts. be real free. laugh at the absurdity. maybe you don't see it the way that i do. but if we knit our perspectives together we can find out even more. an emotional gonzo quilt. i'll bring the camera. we can capture memories. more than just remembering. images that we can tangibly share. for those that can't paint. for those that can't write. we can just brain bang and avoid all guilt. just some real kind of love.

maybe it can go on forever. if we can manage to avoid attachment. if our bond can be good. it doesn't have to be a need. we don't even have to want anything. no expectations. can we really avoid expectations? i hope not. i don't want that bland shit in my life. i don't want that drifting nothing. maybe the future will bring us more options. if they write me as a code. and they write you as a code. maybe they can write us as a code together. intertwined. we can release from our bodies and drift together in a different landscape. could our bond hold up without the physical? if we were forced to relate to each other as some forms of dualist mind states impinging upon one another? would my pressing be welcome? or is this all a game of stances. it certainly seems that the way that we love is based on a mixture of the subjective immersion and various levels of social presentation. i always wonder. why wouldn't we drift in to nothing if we lost our bodies? if we were able to know without the potential for objective instantiation. if we knew of each other... but we couldn't share our love of each other with anything else. if we couldn't procreate. would we be enough for each other? the notion of everything-in-the-world love. i think it may be evil. might be part of the plague. unspoken hopes. stick with me. stand by me. use me to fulfill yourself.

depressive ruts. stupid shit. are you willing to trudge through that with me? with no rewards. there are no happy get togethers with friends from the past. there are no escape times. we are merely drifting. that isn't love. that is obsession. if it works... then there were problems in the code. if we translate to that... then we would have failed in our bodies. we would have been worthless human beings. and in that case... it is better that we have left the realm of viable existence. we deserve the listless drift. there are certain rules and certain ways. things that exist without us and things that do not. we can only sift through and create. we can hope and believe. we can carve and maintain. i just want to be able to experience the pleasure and reinforcement of existential gratification. i want to be able to posture and be postured at. a partner entity is not enough. i want to be subject to the unfamiliar. love is not all-encompassing.

rhythm and momentum.

diversity, perception candy.