.

and the moment of release provides solace for an instant. existence becomes trivial and one thought persists.

what a joke.

the joke is on us. there is no prankster. we are not victims. we are ornaments in this existential absurdity. we must do what we do. we must be engaged in something. for doing seems to be an intergral part of cognizant being. therefore our time must be spent in action, thinking actively or engaging in physical activity. purpose helps to fuel it all. if we can latch on to something. if we can fortify our fragile perspectives with relationships and responsibilities then maybe... just maybe we will be able to drown out the hum of the apparent truths that maintain their pesky flight patterns around our brain boxes.

self-destruction is the same as success in the world of morality and thought. we may not think it is. but we are not the watcher of the scales. the scales are not watched. the scales don't exist. in the sense of non-synthetic existence.

we have to choose to aim for success if we live cerebrally. or perhaps... at a certain point we have to quiet our thoughts and allow our instincts to lead us beyond the rumination. we were groomed to survive... because survival is the most basic element of our specific systematic medium. but the system is arbitrary. don't we all know it? don't we all see it? don't we all choose to overlook the implications? of course we choose to overlook the implications... the conclusion at the end of that rainbow is useless. it could be interesting for a time... but dwelling on such things would probably lead to suicide or at least insurmountable disallusionment.

will there be a bohemian revival?

no no no

"purpose is thick. there are things to preserve. things to be afraid of."

i agree with that assesment. i sarcastically dance around it, but i am subject to the truth within. i try to maintain certain aspects of my life... i am afraid of certain potential outcomes. i am wrapped up in my being. but in those blissful moments of release... i see myself as the fool. i know the truth and i am not bold enough to live the way that i think i should, to allow my knowledge to govern my life, to allow reason to trump convention. but then i find myself in a debate. is reason the only thing that keeps me holding on? is there some element of reason that is part of instinct? do i automatically present counter arguments to my intermitten nihilist formulations to keep myself in line with the nature of existence? i don't know that sounds like a load of horse shit. the fucking nature of existence? things occur. there is a certain form of momentum within existence. i am not talking about our universe. i am talking about existence. all the potential out there. all the shit that i know nothing about. that which is beyond our universe. that which exists within the causal chain of events prior to our grand orgasm "THE BIG BANG". so here is another wonderful paradox for me to feel all impressive about.


there is only one a priori truth and that is this; a being with cognitive capabilities cannot be ultimately certain that their beliefs about existence, and all facets there within, correspond to actuality. we have no access to actuality and any question about the ultimate make-up of existence is a useless question because there is no potential for the subject of the non-physical content within the question to be tested or even observed with any form of certainty.

of course i am claiming that you can be sure about the statement which i just made. the statement qualifies as a facet there within... ding potential paradox.

so where does this line of thought lead? i hate answering questions that i pose to myslef like a pretentious ass-fingerer. but at least my answer to this is; i don't know. i think that it leads no where. i think that it forces the idiots that allow it to consume their minds into an awful position. a position that consists of two main pathways revolving around two main choices. the first option is simple. kill yourself. maybe something happens in some form of afterlife. maybe you are done... enter nothing. the second option is morose and pitiful. go on living with the notion that nothing means anything. understand that it is all a joke. live on a pedastal and judge all the fools that choose to buy in. and absolutely loathe yourself and your existence. the second option is particularly awful because all the urges will still pull. the desire to have social contact. the desire to satiate your sexual appetite. the desire to leave a legacy, to be respected. it will all remain.

so that thought process really isn't worthy of much human-time. all the thinking. all the hatred. all the large-scale satire. it is useless. it is maturbation. a harmful form of escape into a twisted comfort realm. it is an addiction of sorts. an addiction to the idea that all of this is meaningless chance. the obsession with that possibility is an escape that allows me to continute with the laziness and the lack of responsibility and the behaving like a royal shit-dick.

but

beautifully enough. if our instance of cognitive functioning is a meaningless chance... that does not change the fact that we are here. the lazinnes and the lack of responsibility have no place regardless. we have perceptual and motor capabilities. we have the ability to manipulate our surroundings and there is a good deal of existence-stuff impinging upon the apparatuses that make up our capability-sets, the foundation of our manipulation tools as it were.

so fuck all this attention seeking. fuck the rants. i am so smart and my balls are so big and i have such great taste as far as picking great specimens of the female form... i am funny and you should all want to be friends with me... because i am so fucking great. That Is What This Weblog Is. that is what sharing writing is. i hate it. it makes me feel like a pussy when i admit that. get the fuck over it. move on. this is an auto-pep-talk. and advice to all the idiots that take the time to read this horse shit. horse shit that i happen to hold in high regard because i am the creator of it. it is so fucking special and you should be so interested because i think it is interesting. what the fuck? the world is full of three types of people... sweeping generalization ahoy... real fucking idiots, the just stupid people that have no idea about dynamics or patterns, and then people that can critically think but are still idiots, people like me, the people that allow themselves to be trapped in ruts... ruts that are created by their own idiocy, and then smart people that don't care. smart people that don't care... the people that do what needs to be done to achieve their goals and stay in line with their desire-set. they don't care if it is bullshit or if it is trite at times... they do what needs to be done and they don't take shit along the way... i need to be that. cause this ghost... fucking brain wack-off machine bullshit is going to have me dead by 35. welcome to hell shitbag.

and the online world... weblogs, photo sharing, profiles (facebook, myspace), video sharing, anything that contributes to having a non-physical... but viewable persona, all of it is terrible. it is a breeding ground for social ineptitude, the land of surreptitious picture viewing and information gathering, the world where the pressure of physically presenting yourself is eliminated... it is a bad world... a dirty world where scumbags are born... and they can flourish. fuck this bullshit online world. great, we get to share all this information... it just leads to a lack of unique viewpoints... it leads to normalization. globalization blah blah blah hotword fuck assing. get the fuck off the internet. it is killing everybody. some individuals may not be getting directly scathed, but it is killing the potential for viable culture. killing social skills.

just piss on my grave. i hope i have the strength to avoid looking at this bullshit ever again. all the inclinations to be a nihilist are fueled by the scummy nature of things like online communities, liberal arts colleges, private high schools, style cliques, bar crowds, etcetera... kind of an amorphous sample... i will try to refine it. try to figure out what portion of this existence is being represented by the social slop that exists in the forums that i just listed.

bullshit polotics and conformity, image presentation... physical image and online-style image. come the fuck on. i am an idiot. you are all idiots. nihilism is attractive in comparison to this petty little image world.

time to eat a fucking nail file. hopefully i'll be purged mid-sentence so the earth can fall apart before i cum-blast a new ocean. then maybe you would all call me the mother fucking savior "Willard Magnavox"


Your Mother-fucking Savior,


-Willard Magnavox.