sling that rock

i have been in gift selection mode. this is a complicated mode. i have found it easy to over-think. i am not a consumer. i can't use a "what would i want strategy" because that is fucking lame. perhaps it comes down to a fusion of styles. i think about the person that will be receiving the present. i visualize them. picture them naked and really firm it up. i think about the thing i enjoy in their style. i think about the dynamic of our relationship. i have almost slipped into the fatal mode of getting safe gifts. but i always regroup and take the analysis plunge into specialization. the colors of things. the shape of things. the content of things. the colored shape of the content. is this bitch a minimalist? is homeboy a suburban thug? how good is our friendship and should i spend a little extra if i find just the right thing? fucking gifts. i want to impress. but i want to keep it casual. especially on the female front. be careful with the jewelry purchases. clothing can be a disaster... or maybe miraculous if you know know the bra size. and the body contour. and all of that has to be perfectly synchronized with her fashion and life sense. i try to find cool stores. not trendy stores. not edgy stores. cool stores. the store might have a rustic feel. it might have a modern feel. it might have an over the top neon feel. it just has to be cool. the items within it must be significant. (virtuoso relief carving of a bird sitting on top of a bird cage incorporated into an all lime-green urn. i like that. $119. i'll come back to it. i think their place is fully furnished. ) if i get anxious during a shopping experience. and i deem it something based on store stimuli... meaning more than my own tweak... then i cannot purchase anything. maybe if i go back later and the anxiety doesn't return i will consider it... if the items were good. i don't want to be too pretentious. so i sleep on it.

then i hit my stride.

bam.

the store ; experience. 5 blocks away from my college. never been inside before. cool shit. benevolent moderately well spoken cashier. artsy creations all over the place. some too gaudy. some too simple. some just right. things for all styles. nothing really hideous. i allow myself to get real metrosexual. turn my fashion sense up high. rest my hands on my hips and raise them to compliment my passionate sentences when explaining things to the designers i met in the vase section. maybe i am on stage for a little bit. whatever. i shop hard and get the things i want. plain metal cube frame with a glass bowl basin that drops in. sturdy and good looking. intricately carved wooden box with an understated butterfly on top. pretty thing. shopping done.

back to my brooding.

my cynical posturing.

i can only hope that another round of social convention bullshit will bump into my life.
escape time, clear set goal time.
that time will come and charge me up for the fun.