Tuesday, May 16, 2006

create me


i am uncomfortable. so... i want you to create me. everytime that you have a thought involving me i would like you to fill in the deep details. this is a desire of mine because there is no way that you would accept the horrid nature of my thoughts. kid sex, angsty teenage stuff.

all joking aside, my physical state has never been worse. it has been 9 months of malfunctioning. maybe God is talking to me through body shock. i am not a nihilist but i know that i have to create meaning, and that process of meaning creation is important. but... i am not really living a life right now. at least i am not living in a way that is worthy of social effort. i would rather describe it as a constant battle to overcome fear. there is no relaxed time, it is always a matter of unpleasant physical sensations or being too tired to understand.

female; intimate chat and detailed study of physical features... could be a solution.

i need the good times.

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