i was certainly meant for the mountain

(the girl in the picture goes by the name natalie, i would contact her if i had her information... it would be good times... we could talk about shit like what we were doing in this here photo... channel the bliss of reminiscence... i am a human being)



who are the phantom people? it seems as though they are thinking but i often think that they are automata. minor correction... major... i don't think that they are automata... i just recognize the possibility. just a bunch of spooks dancing around the internet. there is no chance that we will get in a fist fight. there is no chance that you will let me tap that flat behind that you are hiding in those pants. you know what i mean? your flaws are hidden... you can choose to show them... but you get to choose the pictures you post. you get to temper your thoughts. i like your myspace!!! here... friend me... and render me not so fagnonymous. we are friends!!! i want to be able to be as creepy as i am... i don't want you to read my foul stream from the safety of your computer spot. if we are to interact i want it to be in such a way that you have to face my awkwardness... or my charm... whatever it may be that i bring to the situation. what the fuck if i just run off at the mouth with cliche sex talk? what if that leads you to file a lawsuit against me? sure you would like to avoid that... but if we want windows into each others lives we should have to pay the price. and people aren't willing to pay the price... socially inept retards run around inebriated... no longer afraid... now we can talk freely... we can speak openly... and say the witty loose shit that we always wish we had the tits and balls to say. these are all standard complaints.

let me highlight. why do people high-five? it is a sign of mother fucking frivolity. have you ever witnessed a high-five? have you ever done a high-five? have you been in the midst of some joyous rush and reached your hand up and touched another person's hand with some force? think about a high-five. there is no concern for survival going on when people are in the midst of a high-five. think about the body position. the physical dynamics of a standard high-five leave you open to attack from many angles. you are in a poor position to defend yourself and because of the revery that is usually part of the aftermath of that which incites high-fives you probably aren't even thinking about the danger you could be in if someone were lurking with a shiv. there are people out there that will fucking kill you for fun.

so i rant that in some chicks ear when i am stoned... and she walks away scared... i should have had more booze before smoking that blunt. i always think that i have a tar build-up feeling in my body after smoking a blunt. probably because it was raid-weed the last five times we smoked. the kind that made me feel my heartbeat throughout my entire body. the entire thing of my body... i am talking to YOU.

so. why can't we get it together? why do we choose to be ghost/possible automata for all these other ghost/possible automata shit-cunts out here? face to face interaction is cold. most people are afraid/anxious or wrapped up in their cell-phone mouth-fucking or daily drama recall making sure the ass looks right with the walk rhythm shoulder blades raised for maximum figure correctitude. what the fuck kind of subjective experience am i having here? i better be a dillusional hypochondriac depressed knuckle-fuck... or else our domain is on the fast track to empty set... you know what i am saying you hairy-sock fucking degenerates?

these posters that i have in my room are sagging off the walls... but it doesn't matter because the only people that come into my room don't give a fucking shit about the decorations... a drunk girl was in here a while ago and she commented on the photographs that i had on my wall... that was nice... it wasn't sagging then... i did not fuck that drunk girl and i have only seen her once since then... we did not speak in passing... so all streets lead to fucking loserville on this island. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?? right right... she was drunk and she was in my room and we were talking about the photos I DEFINITELY COULD HAVE FUCKED HER RIGHT??? I DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE FUCKED HER RIGHT?? yeah bro... be the man.

yeah bro... be the man. i told her that my name was mike and that i was from ohio. neither of which were the case... she went for a high-five and said "mid-west baby, i'm from minneapolis minnesota"... at which point i told her that i was lying and that i never do high-fives. she laughed it off... but she didn't like it... the photo talk happened later... and we didn't get naked together... you like those little gossip stories? such classic funny shit to talk about at brunch with a hangover... yeah yo we can all be real together and have auras of fun and togetherness, anti-fakeness... comfortableness/swanging bodies and confindence in the genitalia that we have to present...

the fat chick that works behind the dish counter takes a moment to assess herself: "Oh god my pussy is so gross"... she is not confident in the genitalia that she has to present... plus she is fat so it wouldn't get to that point anyway unless an escaped convict broke into her house and chose to hide his seed in her belly. even then... he might give shit about her nasty roast beef sandwich.

so... i am happy with my seven-inch dick... could use a little bit more girth... but it seems that once a girl has committed to us get to that level of naked... as long as i don't have laughing-stock nuts we should be okay... or at least she will ride out her drunken horniness and just not call me after she or i leave the room at 5am/10am. "that kid had a skinny dick and small nuts"

so... we can't deal with each other's pressure presence. some people can... and they are socially ballin'. those people just rock the house with every sauntered/athletic step... cause you got the people with the looks and the curves... or the people with the "i will fuck you up" confidence. those people might walk circles around the masses in their unassuming social mastery... but i would venture to say that most people are not those. most people are likely to avert their eyes and hold back the verbal manifestation of what they are thinking. because something about their experience just leads them to not doing. it ain't worth it... it would be so awkward. there is a giant ampersand skull-fucking the slutty girl that sleeps in the hallway. AMPERSANDS HAVE COCKS? NO PULSATING PISS-STICK WAY!!!

so... some people escape to the no-pressure world that the internet provides and become deranged with that in the picture... other people do not go the internet route... they just do coke and listen to music without checking if someone left them comments or responded to the comments that they left or who posted new what or who e-mailed them back or who poked them and shit on their facebook wall or what e-vite they got this week or how hip-to-the-shit their style is staying or how many people have viewed their profile or who commented about their away message or who did whatever the fuck in this realm of no pressure leave the text up to be observed mother fucking animal porn downloads off rapidshare bootleg martin lawrence movies at 5:20am when i wanted to be sleeping at two ay-em. not that i couldn't have been sleeping at 2am and then downloading at 5:20am but i am not even sure how many people would have thought of that.. because it is all cummy blocks cruise control at this point... you are either in a trance or just completely disgusted or whatever... i leave myself some escape routes... all escape routes as a matter of fact....


here we go. all of this shit that i have just written is something that i will stand behind as a creative creation... right right... and wait wait... or whatever.

everything i just said or whatever.

maybe it is just that i consume too much dairy. i have read in many "life-journey this-is-the-way little symbols on the fingers" books that too much dairy is real bad. i can try to change that... but it may be too late for my ulcer infested misanthropic parasympathetically fucked mongolian sheep bladder asset.

i want the pressure to be recognized and it's victims to be absolved from all blame... but only after a long period of reckoning. chop chop you stupid little fucks. i am typing by myself... but i am imagining that the masses will feel the wrath of my accessible message. so like i don't give a fuck but vibe with me because i have chosen to put something forth... is that cool enough for people to understand and like? right right... get crossed up with the insecurity flow.

so.... the period of reckoning will involve philosophy training... the scheme mapped out in plato's republic will be implemented and reinforced by the threat of military force... the new international military... the members of which will be trained by an impartial international council of justice drones. philosophy will guide us to the light... people will know how to analyze situations and all their awkwardness and their giddy little gossip fetishes will make holes in their stomachs just like the holes that get made in mine. because everyone will understand the nature of the absurdity. they will begin to notice the repercussions of cognitively complex beings being stuffed into structures and areas en masse... and being forced to sort out all the stimulation and carve a path to something that resembles fitness. we ain't ready for this shit. our design didn't have this in mind... i say we have a few more centuries to tweak out... then the critical flaws will rear their beautiful heads at full force and the causal chain will snap our tweaky little specie-neck. we flocked too fast... intelligence helped us over some critical humps and then just fucked us into a ball of hurt.

the big pain won't come in our life times... it will just be lots of melancholy bullshit and anti-depressants for us... the cause that will be worth fighting for may not be recognized. and in the artsiest of artsy sharts we will fade out like neophyte hippies chipping ketamine off a plate.

i'm feeling better than usual actually.