sleeves out

There were some sounds. I remember that. Some crashing sounds, but not very loud... it was like something small and skinny, something metal-like, falling a short distance into some other metal. But the crashes were constant. Just enough noise and I didn't get tired. All that fucking noise. I think a TV was on too. The crashes weren't from the TV. The crashes were real. I wasn't in the kind of state where I could investigate what was going on. I was stuck looking at the top right hand corner of a computer screen. Watching the little clock. I never thought about the temperature in the room. I never thought about my friends. There really isn't any way to explain... how I knew what was going on at all. There was a girl in my room. I guess that made sense. I knew who she was. Her face was familiar. Her body was pleasant. We weren't talking, but it was fine. It wasn't strange between us. I wasn't questioning anything with her. I think she was from Switzerland, or at least she was a citizen there. And the crashing kept on. Maybe it was outside my window. I could have lived in an industrial area, maybe an industrial district on the outskirts of an area. Somewhere in some gentrified bullshit. I 'm sure i could have put myself in a situation like that. Catching a wave to a desirable area, a cultural area. Maybe I'd like making music. I think writing music gets you pussy in areas like that. And it's like that. With a range of dots and lines written across lines and bars ink and graphite funnel through a brain and eventually come out as something for everyone's privates... what a bunch of fucking bullshit. Fuck. Why was I being like that with a nice Swiss girl in my room? Sitting next to me... sitting across the room on my bed, getting bored, not caring. I wanted to kiss her the whole time. And I did, but later. Right then I was staring and listening. Curious about all sorts of things... so I took the time to pay attention..

I let the world pulverize me. Sounds and expectations. The girl was there. The sounds were there... and I was locked up in an inner dialogue that I can't remember. Doesn't matter anyway. I've got new things... sounds and girls. Maybe a chest pain or the appearance of an object that disturbs me.


The Swiss girl told me something after I ate her out. She said "throw away your bullshit... you'll enjoy everything so obvious."